Step One: We admitted we were powerless over our addiction, and that our lives had become unmanageable.
“Who cares to admit complete defeat? Practically no one, of course. Every natural instinct cries out against the idea of personal powerlessness. It is truly awful to admit that, glass in hand, we have warped our minds into such an obsession for destructive drinking that only an act of Providence can remove it from us.
No other kind of bankruptcy is like this one. Alcohol, now become the rapacious creditor, bleeds us of all self-sufficiency and all will to resist its demands. Once this stark fact is accepted, our bankruptcy as going human concerns is complete.”
What I did
I associate step one with card 0 of the major arcana, The Fool card. The Fool card assures us that while our next steps may be hard to see, we’re going in the right direction, and it’s okay to take the leap. It speaks of faith, of bravery and the best kind of powerlessness. Rather than a silly, reckless character, The Fool is courageous. When we admit we are powerless over drugs and alcohol and concede that our lives have indeed become unmanageable, we are embodying The Fool energy. We don’t know what will become of our lives or even what to do tomorrow, but in admitting our problem, we’ve taken that leap of faith. Whether we’re aware of it yet or not, we’ve made it to solid ground on the other side.
Journaling
Some prompts that have helped me work through this step:
What does powerless mean to me? Unmanageable?
What are some things other than drugs or alcohol that I am powerless over?
What parts of my life do I have control over?
In what ways is my life unmanageable due to drugs and alcohol?
What are some instances where I clearly had no control over my drinking or using?
How have I attempted to control my drinking or using?
Do I genuinely believe I am powerless over drugs and alcohol? Why?
Do I truly concede that my life has become unmanageable? How?
What do I believe will happen if I pick up or use again?